we're slowing it down.

I click on my link to see my blog and my latest blog talks about happiness being inevitable. Oh, how i wish that I could still have that mindset. I wish that I was still constantly happy. I'm not sure what happened to me to have myself go so far off the track of happiness, but I'm long gone and I cannot wait for my return. I am still very happy about my best friend and only friend, jessica rouse, God has blessed me with her and I am happy that she is an honest and loyal friend and I really do love her with all of my heart. I also love my family, but we do go through many difficult times. Too many difficult times in my eyes, it hurts my heart completely, i think it breaks a little every time we argue. It is just honestly so hard for me to handle. Then me and seamus are good and he is a friend, too, so i guess jessica isn't my only friend, but she is my best friend along with seamus. But since me and Seamus are dating, there are destined to be arguments. Sometimes they're my fault, sometimes they're his. But i don't know, I just feel like he always tries to place the blame on me and I feel that sometimes he lies to me, I know he has in the past or hid stuff from me, and I really do want to get over all of that, but it is difficult when all throughout my life it seems that I have been let down and pushed to the side and walked all over by everyone. And then one person that used to be somewhat of a friend decided that I am a total and complete liar because I told her I wasn't on her computer. Honestly, isn't that just a ridiculous thing to lie about? Why on earth would I lie about getting on her computer, especially since I was with her all day and had my own computer with me. Some things and people I just don't understand. We both said hurtful things and I don't understand how she can tell me that I am psycho, a horrible person, and that she is so much of a better christian than i am. I thought that we shouldn't judge people as christians, i know that we all mess up, but i think that it's an oxymoron to be a christian and then condemn others. I'm not saying that you can't be a christian and condemn others, no way am i saying that, you can be a christian and kill somebody honestly. People mess up, people fall off of the track, people say things they don't mean, it doesn't mean that they cannot be a christian. I am not sure everything that is going on in my life. I just know that I need to run straight to God and stop being distracted by everything that Satan and the world throws at me. I also need to stop getting worn out and keep on truckin. slow and steady wins the race, so maybe i should just slow down a bit in life, go slowly and not just say that i realize it takes time, but actually live the idea that it takes time. I really wish that things would go better for me like they were not too long ago. Life is difficult, but as I know and have said, happiness is inevitable, so i'm just waiting for my happiness to come back and overwhelm my life again. :)

alright...alright.

i'm happy(:

have a good day!(:


....hmm, happiness is inevitable...go figure.

Sociology Essay: One Hour Alone Time.

I chose to spend an hour and a half down by River Road in Orange Park. During this time, I sat on rocks and enjoyed the view of the Buckman Bridge and the sound of the water hitting the shore gently. It made me think of how awesome God is to create everything that He has. His creations are more amazing than I could ever come near to grasping the concept of. I love how beautiful nature is. One thing I thought about, though, was how the beauty of nature is so overpowered by the construction and technology that we have in our world today. I envy the people who have little. When I am older and live in a house of my own, I wish to live in a house in the mountains with very little technology. With my cell phone, I won’t and currently don’t care to have one up-to-date and the latest technology, such as the iphone. I am perfectly content with a cell phone that just makes phone calls and has text messaging. I do not need a camera or mp3 player on my phone. I just need a phone. I want to be able to enjoy life and not be so controlled by the fast pace that my life currently has. I wake up at 3:30am almost every morning to be at work at 4:20am, then as soon as I get off work, I come to school. Just last week I quit my second job, which helps some. I used to go to work at that job as soon as I got out of school on Mondays, and then my Fridays consisted of me going to work at one job in the early morning, another in the afternoon and early evening, and then leaving to go to my acting class. Each day after school, I don’t get to go home, I either have more class, church, a meeting, work, or acting class. Sitting by that river made me want to be like it. To be able to flow freely with time, at my own pace. My life is too fast, and it’s unfortunate. I would like to slow down once in a while, but it seems that at this time, my life has no slow lanes, all of my lanes are fast. I’m like a rushing, raging river used for white water rafting instead of a subtle stream with soft currents. I can stay at River Road so much longer than I did, but unfortunately, my busy life consumed my time, as usual. This is what I got out of my time spent at River Road.

no one can serve two masters.

unfortunately, i struggle with that on a daily basis [the fact that no one can serve two masters as it states in Matthew 6:24]. i say that i serve God, which i like to think i do, but in all honesty, i am not always serving Him. i try to say my life is in His hands, but more often than i blink it seems that i am trying to take my life back from Him. i need to not think i have control. i need to realize that it is okay that i am not living a perfect, graceful life. there is so much i have yet to learn. i am so young, i may be an "adult" legally, but spiritually, it seems like i am still a toddler. always falling down, always wanting my Daddy, and always trying to ignore the fact that i did something bad [sin].

once again, God spoke straight to me for a while now, and once again, Ryan allowed God to speak through Him, so again...God spoke to me, to remind me and to reassure me of all my thoughts and how they are from Him, and not just random things running through my mind that do not pertain to much of anything. God has given me a mind that is constantly thinking about a great multitude of things at the same time, things that many people do not even have cross their minds too often, if at all. i guess this is a blessing, but to me...it is still in disguise. i think so much. sometimes my thoughts scare me, i over analyze situations possibly. i am not sure. i just know i think a lot. i enjoy thinking. it appears to take the place of "boredom" in my life.

i need to once again, sort out my life, and give all of myself back to the world and i need to make sure i only keep what displays Christ. kind of as if i am cleaning out my closet of all the old clothes that no longer fit, i need to clean out myself of all my old self that no longer fits into this life of mine, the life of a christian. i need to reassemble my wardrobe. it seems that i am always buying new clothes, whether it's just to have, to "show-off," or just to add to the lack of space in my closet. and by the way to all of you who didn't quite follow that, i am not exactly referring to my physical closet, but more of my life. and that i am always taking in new tasks or new somethings to clutter my life or to "show-off" to others, to elevate myself for some reason or another, or just to add to the clutter or "noise" of the world and my life. i need to stop. i need to rid myself of all the things i no longer need. this includes a lot. i'll need to pray about everything and allow God to reveal to me the things i no longer "fit in to" anymore because i have grown out of them. i pray that i continually grow until the day i die and even further more. also, i need to pray for the obedience and faith to be able to listen to God and to follow the things He tells me to rid myself of. i am scared that it might be things or people i really do not want to give up. fear seems to run my life sometimes, i need to stop allowing it to.

also, my future. more and more it is resonating in my mind. i know i am called to be a missionary, internationally. i do not understand how this is supposed to happen. i do not know what university i will go to. i do not know anything about it other than that is what i am called to do. this fogginess of everything adds to my fear i'm guessing, i have no idea, but it's just a guess. i want to give up my life to Him so badly, i really and truly do. i just find it extremely difficult to do. there are so many plans, so many different, completely different, plans that i thought my life could be. and then God informs me of the plans He has for my life. things all get turned upside down it seems. but then i read the verse proverbs 19:21 and realized that it is expected; for me to have so many plans for my own life, but the plan that should and will prevail will be my purpose set forth by God.

wow, so this is not flowing with the rest of this blog fully [which i actually don't think it really flows too much at all, i'm bad with that, sorry], but i just watched a video on youtube by this pastor, John Piper, that my friend, Jessica Rouse, had sent me. and prior to me watching that, i had just finished and posted a bulletin on myspace saying about how God has been speaking to me so much and i have been willing and open enough to hear Him and to listen and to take in all of that He has been telling me. and what scares me once again, is that He spoke to me to talk to me about giving things up. i had just mentioned that earlier in my blog, and for all i know, i could have stopped mid-thought to watch that video or to reply to a message from jessica, getting all of the timing correct and my position correct in this blog, for me to tie this in. John Piper mentioned what Ryan mentioned earlier, about treasures and how God should be our treasure, because like the book of Matthew says, where our treasures are is where our hearts are, also. Piper also said, "God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss, not prosperity." God is most glofiried in me when i am most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss. did you catch that? the midst of loss. this scares me. a lot. but it makes me so happy. God gives me emotions that i cannot even explain in words i know. God is awe-inspiring. God is awe-creating. God is awe. the midst of loss....that just sticks with me. Wow...

so, i am pretty sure that i have probably left stuff out that i have planned to write about, but maybe God just had me include the "important" things or something. once again, i have no idea. but my plans are not what will prevail, God's purpose. so God probably has a purpose for me writing this blog, and so my humanly plans were scratched out of the picture, but i am fine with that to the fullest extent. i hope you got something out of this, even if it's just that: wow, jenny has a strange thought process.

well, have a fantastic week!
peace!

pumpkin spice creme frappucino

yeah, it's good alright. i'm drinking mine right now(: it's really making me want it to be thanksgiving time. that is the beginning of my favorite time of year, as soon as november rolls around, the joy overflows my body and mind. it is just so amazing. and then it will get cold in december and january and february! how fantastic!

life is crazy busy and fast paced.
i need sleep.
i need time.

well, it's 930, and i need to shower & go to bed!
i have work at 430 AM!!! yikes!


peace!