away, away, away from here i'll be

i am far gone.


i wish i was back. it's a long, hard journey, only because of my own self. My own procrastination, my own lack of self-discipline. I will get through this, I can get through this. God is reaching for me, I just need to grab hold and never let go.

oh, AND here's some lyrics i like

this is from a Casting Crowns song entitled "What This World Needs"

People aren't confused by the gospel, they're confused by us. Jesus is the only way to God, but we are not the only way to Jesus. This world doesn't need my tie, my hoodie, my denomination, or my translation of the Bible, they just need Jesus. We can be passionate about what we believe, but we can't strap ourselves to the gospel cause we're slowing it down. Jesus is going to save the world, but maybe the best thing we can do is just get out of the way.


okay, now go read my next blog because i just posted that one, too :)

we're slowing it down.

I click on my link to see my blog and my latest blog talks about happiness being inevitable. Oh, how i wish that I could still have that mindset. I wish that I was still constantly happy. I'm not sure what happened to me to have myself go so far off the track of happiness, but I'm long gone and I cannot wait for my return. I am still very happy about my best friend and only friend, jessica rouse, God has blessed me with her and I am happy that she is an honest and loyal friend and I really do love her with all of my heart. I also love my family, but we do go through many difficult times. Too many difficult times in my eyes, it hurts my heart completely, i think it breaks a little every time we argue. It is just honestly so hard for me to handle. Then me and seamus are good and he is a friend, too, so i guess jessica isn't my only friend, but she is my best friend along with seamus. But since me and Seamus are dating, there are destined to be arguments. Sometimes they're my fault, sometimes they're his. But i don't know, I just feel like he always tries to place the blame on me and I feel that sometimes he lies to me, I know he has in the past or hid stuff from me, and I really do want to get over all of that, but it is difficult when all throughout my life it seems that I have been let down and pushed to the side and walked all over by everyone. And then one person that used to be somewhat of a friend decided that I am a total and complete liar because I told her I wasn't on her computer. Honestly, isn't that just a ridiculous thing to lie about? Why on earth would I lie about getting on her computer, especially since I was with her all day and had my own computer with me. Some things and people I just don't understand. We both said hurtful things and I don't understand how she can tell me that I am psycho, a horrible person, and that she is so much of a better christian than i am. I thought that we shouldn't judge people as christians, i know that we all mess up, but i think that it's an oxymoron to be a christian and then condemn others. I'm not saying that you can't be a christian and condemn others, no way am i saying that, you can be a christian and kill somebody honestly. People mess up, people fall off of the track, people say things they don't mean, it doesn't mean that they cannot be a christian. I am not sure everything that is going on in my life. I just know that I need to run straight to God and stop being distracted by everything that Satan and the world throws at me. I also need to stop getting worn out and keep on truckin. slow and steady wins the race, so maybe i should just slow down a bit in life, go slowly and not just say that i realize it takes time, but actually live the idea that it takes time. I really wish that things would go better for me like they were not too long ago. Life is difficult, but as I know and have said, happiness is inevitable, so i'm just waiting for my happiness to come back and overwhelm my life again. :)

alright...alright.

i'm happy(:

have a good day!(:


....hmm, happiness is inevitable...go figure.

Sociology Essay: One Hour Alone Time.

I chose to spend an hour and a half down by River Road in Orange Park. During this time, I sat on rocks and enjoyed the view of the Buckman Bridge and the sound of the water hitting the shore gently. It made me think of how awesome God is to create everything that He has. His creations are more amazing than I could ever come near to grasping the concept of. I love how beautiful nature is. One thing I thought about, though, was how the beauty of nature is so overpowered by the construction and technology that we have in our world today. I envy the people who have little. When I am older and live in a house of my own, I wish to live in a house in the mountains with very little technology. With my cell phone, I won’t and currently don’t care to have one up-to-date and the latest technology, such as the iphone. I am perfectly content with a cell phone that just makes phone calls and has text messaging. I do not need a camera or mp3 player on my phone. I just need a phone. I want to be able to enjoy life and not be so controlled by the fast pace that my life currently has. I wake up at 3:30am almost every morning to be at work at 4:20am, then as soon as I get off work, I come to school. Just last week I quit my second job, which helps some. I used to go to work at that job as soon as I got out of school on Mondays, and then my Fridays consisted of me going to work at one job in the early morning, another in the afternoon and early evening, and then leaving to go to my acting class. Each day after school, I don’t get to go home, I either have more class, church, a meeting, work, or acting class. Sitting by that river made me want to be like it. To be able to flow freely with time, at my own pace. My life is too fast, and it’s unfortunate. I would like to slow down once in a while, but it seems that at this time, my life has no slow lanes, all of my lanes are fast. I’m like a rushing, raging river used for white water rafting instead of a subtle stream with soft currents. I can stay at River Road so much longer than I did, but unfortunately, my busy life consumed my time, as usual. This is what I got out of my time spent at River Road.