Newport Living

I spy everything I shouldn't.
I can spot the little specks of dirt that you're just brushing under the rug for somebody to stumble across later.
I am winning in this game of hide and seek. Your hiding spots are right in the open and yet you think of yourself as clever.
This song has only one ending, but you keep singing the wrong tune. Well-rehearsed? Maybe in your mind, but the people that are well-trained in this area can spot the flaws, noticing each and everytime you go off key. Start singing the correct melody to get this song back on the right track.
The train is coming full speed, you have to run faster and faster because you're going to get caught.
You might be able to dodge it for a little while, but in the end, you will not prevail.

Time is moving on and so am I.



lovelovelove

10 million people, each with their problems, why should anyone care?

I am not just a man vastly lost in this world, lost in a sea of faces. Your body's the bread, Your blood is the wine because You traded Your life for mine.
Sometimes my life, it feels so trivial. Immersed in the greatness of space, yet somehow You still find the time for me, it's then You show me Your love.

I wonder if I made the right decision so many times, I also wonder how different things would be if I made the decision to take a different path, I wonder if things would be better or if things would be just as bad or even worse. But then I remember that whatever is the situation, wherever I am in my life, this is exactly where God has me, I made the decisions I made for a reason and I am taking the path less traveled and I am giving it all to God. That is what truly matters. I might stray off sometimes, but God is still going to guide me in the right direction. I am getting back onto the correct path and I feel that it is so close to me. I fall away from it on occasion, but I tend to always find my way back. Thank goodness He never lets go. I am a letdown, a disappointment, a human. I know this and I am okay with that. Forgive me or not for my mistakes, the fact of the matter is that God forgives me and so do I. I forgive myself and I sometimes feel that seeking forgiveness from myself and eventually forgiving myself can be harder than asking God for forgiveness. I am rarely judgmental towards other people, I think that's because I am constantly judging myself and tearing myself apart. I over analyze every situation and sometimes it's just entertaining while other times, it just brings me down. I guess that to get up and to grow stronger, you've got to first be knocked down, so maybe subconsciously I am just building myself up. Maybe I have yet to reach the most difficult point of my life, so at a young age I am making myself stronger in preparation for what's to come. I have an opportunity in January to move to California and then live on the road for a semester with Toms Shoes. I pray that everything works out and that I will be doing this. My parents are seeming supportive so far and I feel that this is where God wants me, so if this is truly the case, then everything will work out for His cause. I am so excited and so overwhelmed by this great love and joy and adventure. I love that at such a young age I am able to do so much and I know that it is because of God. I just need to continue living my life for Him. The world isn't worth it, the world is not worth my time, the people in the world may be, but not the things of this world. I am worth so much more than this world, I am going to live my life for God continually. I will be judged and I will be torn to pieces for this stand I am willing to make, but I would love so much to die in His name. Cassie Burnall is one of my role models and always will be. To die for God at such a young age....wow. She had such bravery and was so sure of herself and God....she died for Him. I love God and I want to make an impact on people just as Cassie did and just as Zach Hunter is currently doing. Our generation can be the change, our generation should be the change. We must be the change we wish to see in the world. I'm in, are you?


lovelovelove

Is this coincidence or connection?

Day one of mine and Sarah's quest for a better relationship with God has begun. We started out in Colossians, the focus on 3:5-17. It is quite amazing how God worked that one out. It relates so closely to our lives at the moment, God works in the most amazing of all ways and I couldn't appreciate Him anymore for that. Not only did God amaze me in that way, but today, I have been so extremely busy and under so much stress, and yet I was not stressed out at all and I have been happier than I have been in the past week or so as well. It was amazing, I feel like I'm on the right track. I love my friends and I love my life, I have been blessed to such an extreme and I am so thankful for that. I have friends supporting me on this journey as well as a friend going on this journey with me, not just any friend, but a true best friend, which I haven't had in a while. Well, Josh, but he is a boy, Sarah is my first girl best friend in quite some time and I am very thankful for her friendship, it truly does mean a lot to me. Things in my life have finally started to fall into place. Happiness truly is inevitable. :)


lovelovelove

you would kill for this, just a little bit, just a little bit, you would.

So last night was awful, today has been okay, but not great. Things are working out, though. I can tell. Whether it is the outcome I desire at the moment or not, it is the outcome that God has planned and that is truly what matters. I have once again realized in this situation that things are going to happen, I cannot control that. There is no reason for regrets, sure, I mess up, but so does everyone else. I am forgiven by God, if people don't forgive me, that's not too big of a deal, because people are going to do what they do and I cannot control other people, nor do I want to try, that seems like too big of a hassle for me to even attempt, I'll just leave other people to God. Overall, I am very happy. I know mistakes I have made and I have become more aware of things of the past that have slowly crept their way back in, and I am reminded to watch out and to make sure that those situations do not recur. Of course it will be difficult, but it wouldn't be life if it was a breeze. I am content with everything that has happened, finally. If I told you I wanted to talk to you regarding this situation, nevermind that. I am putting it in the past, I am moving forward with things, there is no reason I shouldn't. Sure, awkward moments will happen come later, but that's okay, if you know me well enough, you know that a day doesn't go by without me having an awkward moment. I tend to make situations awkward when they shouldn't be because I am just awkward in and of myself. I'm fine with that, though. Awkward is me, awkward is my life, awkward is my family and friends. Without awkward, I'm not sure how things would even continue on in my life. I love my life, therefore I must love awkward. And well...that's awkward. :)



lovelovelove

way to be original.

By saying you're starting over new.
By saying that you're going to change for the better.
By saying that you're going to spend more time with God.
By saying that you're going to get things done that need to be done.
By saying that you're going to finish what you started.
By saying that you're you're going to love more and fight less.
By saying that you'll respect more people and honor your values.
By saying everything will be different.
.....and then having nothing at all on that list change.
not one thing, at least not for the better.



Yeah, I need to stick to it.
Not just say it and not do it. I need to get back to where I was in my life a little over a year ago. I'm still not some wild child, but I am not at all satisfied with where I am in life. I need to go to Him and Him alone for He is the only one that can truly save me from this mess. I'm trying to fix too much all at one time, when what I truly need to do is go to God, give it to Him, and let Him take care of it. I need to put full trust in the God that was able to part water, walk on water, and turn water into blood. This God is just as powerful now as He was as we read about in the Bible. There is no reason that if I give it all up to Him, that He won't take care of me. I know this, I just have to live it. I have to stop being selfish because I'm obviously not getting myself anywhere. I love God, I sure am awful at showing it sometimes. I don't give Him enough time out of my day. I know I should do more for Him, and yet I don't. I need to not doubt Him at all and I need to fully trust in Him. Life is so much better on the other side. The side of the light. I need to run into this marvelous light and never wander into darkness again.

I'm sorry, Lord.
I love you.