no one can serve two masters.

unfortunately, i struggle with that on a daily basis [the fact that no one can serve two masters as it states in Matthew 6:24]. i say that i serve God, which i like to think i do, but in all honesty, i am not always serving Him. i try to say my life is in His hands, but more often than i blink it seems that i am trying to take my life back from Him. i need to not think i have control. i need to realize that it is okay that i am not living a perfect, graceful life. there is so much i have yet to learn. i am so young, i may be an "adult" legally, but spiritually, it seems like i am still a toddler. always falling down, always wanting my Daddy, and always trying to ignore the fact that i did something bad [sin].

once again, God spoke straight to me for a while now, and once again, Ryan allowed God to speak through Him, so again...God spoke to me, to remind me and to reassure me of all my thoughts and how they are from Him, and not just random things running through my mind that do not pertain to much of anything. God has given me a mind that is constantly thinking about a great multitude of things at the same time, things that many people do not even have cross their minds too often, if at all. i guess this is a blessing, but to me...it is still in disguise. i think so much. sometimes my thoughts scare me, i over analyze situations possibly. i am not sure. i just know i think a lot. i enjoy thinking. it appears to take the place of "boredom" in my life.

i need to once again, sort out my life, and give all of myself back to the world and i need to make sure i only keep what displays Christ. kind of as if i am cleaning out my closet of all the old clothes that no longer fit, i need to clean out myself of all my old self that no longer fits into this life of mine, the life of a christian. i need to reassemble my wardrobe. it seems that i am always buying new clothes, whether it's just to have, to "show-off," or just to add to the lack of space in my closet. and by the way to all of you who didn't quite follow that, i am not exactly referring to my physical closet, but more of my life. and that i am always taking in new tasks or new somethings to clutter my life or to "show-off" to others, to elevate myself for some reason or another, or just to add to the clutter or "noise" of the world and my life. i need to stop. i need to rid myself of all the things i no longer need. this includes a lot. i'll need to pray about everything and allow God to reveal to me the things i no longer "fit in to" anymore because i have grown out of them. i pray that i continually grow until the day i die and even further more. also, i need to pray for the obedience and faith to be able to listen to God and to follow the things He tells me to rid myself of. i am scared that it might be things or people i really do not want to give up. fear seems to run my life sometimes, i need to stop allowing it to.

also, my future. more and more it is resonating in my mind. i know i am called to be a missionary, internationally. i do not understand how this is supposed to happen. i do not know what university i will go to. i do not know anything about it other than that is what i am called to do. this fogginess of everything adds to my fear i'm guessing, i have no idea, but it's just a guess. i want to give up my life to Him so badly, i really and truly do. i just find it extremely difficult to do. there are so many plans, so many different, completely different, plans that i thought my life could be. and then God informs me of the plans He has for my life. things all get turned upside down it seems. but then i read the verse proverbs 19:21 and realized that it is expected; for me to have so many plans for my own life, but the plan that should and will prevail will be my purpose set forth by God.

wow, so this is not flowing with the rest of this blog fully [which i actually don't think it really flows too much at all, i'm bad with that, sorry], but i just watched a video on youtube by this pastor, John Piper, that my friend, Jessica Rouse, had sent me. and prior to me watching that, i had just finished and posted a bulletin on myspace saying about how God has been speaking to me so much and i have been willing and open enough to hear Him and to listen and to take in all of that He has been telling me. and what scares me once again, is that He spoke to me to talk to me about giving things up. i had just mentioned that earlier in my blog, and for all i know, i could have stopped mid-thought to watch that video or to reply to a message from jessica, getting all of the timing correct and my position correct in this blog, for me to tie this in. John Piper mentioned what Ryan mentioned earlier, about treasures and how God should be our treasure, because like the book of Matthew says, where our treasures are is where our hearts are, also. Piper also said, "God is most glorified in you when you are most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss, not prosperity." God is most glofiried in me when i am most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss. did you catch that? the midst of loss. this scares me. a lot. but it makes me so happy. God gives me emotions that i cannot even explain in words i know. God is awe-inspiring. God is awe-creating. God is awe. the midst of loss....that just sticks with me. Wow...

so, i am pretty sure that i have probably left stuff out that i have planned to write about, but maybe God just had me include the "important" things or something. once again, i have no idea. but my plans are not what will prevail, God's purpose. so God probably has a purpose for me writing this blog, and so my humanly plans were scratched out of the picture, but i am fine with that to the fullest extent. i hope you got something out of this, even if it's just that: wow, jenny has a strange thought process.

well, have a fantastic week!
peace!

pumpkin spice creme frappucino

yeah, it's good alright. i'm drinking mine right now(: it's really making me want it to be thanksgiving time. that is the beginning of my favorite time of year, as soon as november rolls around, the joy overflows my body and mind. it is just so amazing. and then it will get cold in december and january and february! how fantastic!

life is crazy busy and fast paced.
i need sleep.
i need time.

well, it's 930, and i need to shower & go to bed!
i have work at 430 AM!!! yikes!


peace!

i make plans to break plans, and i've been planning something big.

So these are the things i want to do before summer "ends"....

1. go to the cummer museum of art.
2. finish re-designing my bedroom.
3. finish reading a few books i started.


&that's basically it.

never be complacent.

that is basically all i wanted to say, in the title of this specific blog. i never want to be complacent with where i am in life, and i hope that you feel the same way. i always want to strive to be closer to God and to be continually growing in my walk with Christ(:


okay, now go read the blog below this one(: it's a good one, i promise(:

let's get high(:

so, lots of people have heard about that "camp high" and then how they "don't want to lose it," and how "this year, it will be different, this year...things WILL change and they won't fade away." has anyone else noticed that this year isn't much different for most people? sure, some changes could have been made, but how many people are still on that "high" and still completely on fire for God? it doesn't seem like too many. well, today on my way home from work, i was thinking about this....and i was wondering why it seems like such a "high" while at youth camp and stuff. and i think i figured something somewhat logical out. well, while we're up there, we spend time with God more than usual, we do not have as many distractions, and there is sometimes a schedule that we follow that include quiet times and worship services. we put more time towards God and less time towards ourselves. we pray more, we read His word more, we worship Him more. basically, instead of life being about ourselves or about the world, it's all about Him. we spend a lot more time with God. and i put it together in my head, the simple solution, if we truly want to be that close with God all the time, it doesn't matter where we are, we just need to re-organize our lives and spend a lot more time with God. if we want to grow closer to Him, we cannot just pray and rely on that alone, we have to strive to be closer to God. we have to be able to make plans around our time with God, and not make time for God AROUND our plans with friends. lots of people did the whole rock and sand in a jar thing when younger, i never did, but i've heard about it; i'll explain it here for those who have no idea what i'm talking about. basically, take a jar, or even just imagine this, and place sand in it, then try to place lots of rocks in it, you can't fit that many rocks, there's too much sand. WELLLL, if you put rocks in first, and THEN the sand, then you can fit a lot more rocks, and still fit just about as much sand. the rocks represent God and your time with Him, the jar represents your life and day, and the sand represents the earth and other worldly items. basically, if you place God into your life FIRST, then things seem to fit into place better, and you still have enough time to go out into the world. but if you put the world first, then it seems harder to fit God in as much as you should. i really like that little illustration, i hope you do, too(: it's funny how i thought about this today, because earlier at youth group, Ryan, the youth pastor, spoke about something that is somewhat relative to this topic, and it really hit me how amazing God is and how greatly He works. i love God a lot. and i want to be able to spend more time with Him, i just need to make the time. i write this blog, not in a sense of: this is how i live my life, you guys should, too. but rather in a sense of: man, i am just like the rest of you, and i really need to flip that around and i want to tell the world about this idea and maybe light a spark in other's minds, too. i really do want people to realize how amazing God is. i want to tell the world, tell the world that Jesus lives(: He is more amazing than i, or anyone else for that matter, could possibly explain. and i truly want to make this change. i want to and need to spend more time with God than i do already, i need to reprioritize and make sure that God is number one. He placed me on this earth, He saved me, i want to share this glory with others. (:


okay, well, these were my thoughts of the day(: i hope you enjoyed them. thank you for taking the time out to read this(: !!!(: