She's gonna break soon.

So lately I've been thinking about my personality.
Am I shy because I am uncomfortable being around people?
Or am I shy because I feel that anything I say and/or do is irrelevant and therefore invaluable?
I'm thinking it's more of the second one. I just feel that anything I say or do is unimportant. Anytime I have anything to say, I tend to be shut out, spoken over, or disregarded. Basically, I don't speak because I feel as if nobody cares as to what I have to say. I've felt this way for quite some time now and am just getting a better grip to put this all together. It makes a lot of sense and I don't argue one bit that this is the reason that I am anti-social and shy. I also have a problem with trusting people, I just lack trust in human nature. I find great difficulty in trusting anyone whenever they speak to me, especially things regarding friendship or love. I have found that I lack respect and faith in people, at least in our society. It's actually quite a bit disappointing and it stinks that I feel this way. I am going to try to work on this and to improve, however, I am struggling. It is like a bad habit that I need to quit. It's kind of sad how quickly bad habits can form, and yet they take so long to break.

I am going to work on this, I need to be better.
I need to regain faith in people. I need to be able to trust the people that I want to love so dearly, it's just so difficult. I've built up such a sturdy wall, now I need to tear the whole thing down. I'm sure I can do it, it will just take a lot of time, I have faith in myself...kind of...




loveloveuncertainty