I am letting myself go.

I think it's okay to not know what you want out of life. I think it's okay to live knowing your purpose, but not knowing how to fulfill that purpose. I think that will come with time. And I don't think there is a specific timeline that we all must follow. Each person is different, each of our lives is specific to who we are.

I'm not who I'm supposed to be. At least that's my understanding. I'm not living this good ol' American dream life. I'm 24 and I'm not "settled" or on my way to be settled. I have a wandering soul and no desire to be kept in one place. I don't have commitments that keep me in one location and while I find that freeing, other people see it as irresponsible. I may not know exactly what I want to do, so what's wrong with doing a lot of things to figure out what it is I want to do? Why do I have to pick one thing now that doesn't bring joy or happiness? Why do I have to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life by the time I'm 25?

I understand my brother is engaged, owns a house. My parents were married and having children when they were just a few years older than I am now. A good amount of my friends are married, have children, or are at least engaged. They have "settled down." And there is nothing wrong with that, but at the same time, I don't think there's anything wrong with the way I've chosen to live life either.

I have a passion to see the world. To help people, to experience life in a way other's only dream of. Why do I need to join the millions that live a mundane life and dream of living a different life when I can actually live that life? Why do I need to live a life that others see fit? It's difficult because I'm not understood. I'm not sure how to be.

I want to live life. I want to see things. I want to travel. I want to live with reckless abandon. I want to mess up and learn from it. I want to "fail" so I can learn from it, because in my eyes, that's not failing at all. You live and you learn. You get yourself into difficult situations, but because of those, you come out stronger. How is that irresponsible? How is it irresponsible to have the ambition to live the life you want? We're taught about all of these places growing up, why can't I visit these places? Why can't I work in everything? Why do I have to be a master of one specific thing? What is wrong with being a jack of all trades and a master of none?

I'm sick of being told I'm irresponsible or I need to settle down so people can stop worrying about me. Just stop worrying about me. I'm not going to change the way I live life. I want to live, truly live. I don't want to live a life I don't want to. You can want to live a specific life, that's fine. I'm not going to tell you you're wrong in doing so. At the same time, don't tell me I'm wrong for wanting to live a life different from the status quo.

I've been told that people appreciate the fact that I live life with a "Why not?" perspective. I want to continue to be that person. If an opportunity arises, why not take it? Why wait? Why wait until things fall into place? Because if I waited for that, I'd be waiting forever. I'd be stuck waiting for the "perfect time" when really, that time is now. How is a time other than NOW any more perfect?

Sure I change my mind a lot. But that's not because I don't know what I want. It's because I know that I want to do it all. I don't care in what order, I just want to do things. I want to live. Experience. Laugh and be happy. I want to experience life on a level that so many others never get to.  This world is beautiful, is it not? I want to see it. I want to see how people live. I want to help people that need help. I don't care about making money or having a secure job, I care about helping other's reach their potential and helping others to live life to the fullest. And one way I've been able to do that is to live that. I live the life that I want to live, the life I dream of living.

I can't let people hold me back. I'm sorry for letting people down. But I can't live my life to make other's happy and letting myself be miserable in the process. I'm sorry that you don't understand why I want to live life this way. I'm sorry that while my mind sees it as exploring new opportunities that somehow you see it as running away from things. It's not running away from the past, it's running towards the future, towards the unknown and towards new opportunities. It's running to live a life I desire, towards happiness and a life of excitement.

I want to be happy. And for me, happiness is in the unknown. The adventure.

God made such a beautiful world and he gave me this bravery and spunk to explore it. So please, join me on this journey. I need your love and your support. I don't need you to be the rest of the world pointing out things that could go wrong. I don't need more people pointing out flaws or mistakes, I need you showing love and support. Showing me that I'll make it and that you love me. That life is worth living and you appreciate my desire to live life undaunted.

I need to do this. I have to.

I'm so sorry for letting you down. I am. But I can't live a life continually letting myself down. Stuck in one place. Living a life for others to be comfortable instead of for myself and what I want out of life.

I'm 24. I'm selfish. I'm stupid. Let me make these mistakes.


For 2014, I want to live a life of adventure.

lovelovelove

Accused in absence of wrong. Too much to make sense of it all.

It's funny how God uses people. It's funny how his timing is always right. How he gives you exactly what you need to hear and when.

God's timing is always the best. It's the one we should base our lives on. Our lives are not ours to dictate. Our lives are His. He knows. He's always there.

He's always waiting on us. Loving us. Unconditionally.

Oh, how he loves us.

My soul will rest in your embrace.
For I am Yours, and You are mine.

Wow, how lucky. How incredibly lucky and blessed we are.

Thank you Lord for sending the people you have into my life. Thank you for using people even though they don't know You. Thank you for everything and for always being there for me. No matter how many times I mess up. No matter how terrible of a person I can be. You're always there. You always forgive. You never give up. You always love me. You think I'm worth so much. That's so beautiful.

Thank you for reminding me who I am in You. Thank you for giving me unlimited chances. Thank you for putting people into my life that remind me of positivity. Of who I really am. Of who I am able to be. And to show me how people view me.

Thank you that even though I screw up so terribly and say mean and hateful things, that You still love me. Somehow, you do.

Lord. Oh to be like you.

Show me how to love like you love me.
Break my heart for what breaks Yours.

My faith will be made stronger in the presence of my Savior.


Lord, I know that everything I go through, You understand. I know that I can relate my situations back to You and think about how you handled or would handle this situation. Help me to not just think about it, but to act as You would, too. Help me to be Christ-like.

But please, I need Your help. There is no way I can do it alone.

I've made a lot of mistakes lately in regards to my attitude and how I treat people.
I need to fix it. I'm ashamed. Help me to forgive myself. Help me to shine like You want me to.

Help me to be a Christian. Help me to be a light so others can see You because of my presence in their life. Lord, I know what I'm capable of. And I pray that you have me doing so much more than I know I'm capable of.

So please, as I've failed lately, help me to move on. To be happy and joyful.

Heal my heart and make it clean.

We love you, Lord.
You are our God.
You alone are good.

Let now the lost be welcomed home.

Thank you for having unconditional love continuously poured out onto us.
Thank you for always reaching for us.
Thank you for letting me know I have worth when I think I've lost it all.


loveloveforgiveness

Wiser than our understanding.

My heart and my passion too often gets pushed aside. I love my family, however, they're mindset is different than mine.
I was reading through one of those "personality test" things again, and noticed that what I am, is 15-20% of the world population. To me, that still sounds like a lot, but in reality, I know it's not. I am an "idealist" according to multiple personality tests that I found online (and we all know the internet is always right). It's difficult for me to understand the way people think at times, but instead of shutting them out because of it, I strive to understand. I ask questions. My 8th grade science teacher referred to me as Miles in Uncle Buck because of the multitude of questions I asked. He always compared me to a cat, a curious cat. I have no problem with either of these things. Too often people are too concerned about what others think to ask questions. They're concerned about what others may think of them. Why? I have no idea. I know that people idolize approval, something I never understood, but got to learn more about late last year through a Bible study with amazing girls. I am confused as to what I am. I have difficulty with making things black and white. I'm not sure that many things in this world are that simple. There are always different circumstances to make things gray.
I don't like judging people. I don't like when people judge people. However, I do struggle with judging people. The thing is, I'm typically judging the people that are judging other people. Did you follow that? I hope so. I'll be honest, not arrogant, and say that I typically try not to judge others. Unfortunately, I fail. I get all smug when I see people judging or looking down on others. All, "Who are you to think you can judge them?" I'm not sure if that's me judging, but to me it is. So I think I judge others, but I'm not really sure on that one. Again, gray.

One thing I know to be black and white is God, his word and his love. (This was a random sidenote, moving on to other nonsense now...)

I know that I'm called to a purpose that is bigger than the average 9-5 job and lifestyle. My heart aches for more than that. I want to help people. I want to show others how great life can be, especially with God. I want people to realize that things always get better. Happiness is inevitable.

I know that God has blessed me with my life. I have had hard times, I have had glorious and amazing times. I am so blessed to have been able to do all that I have being only 23. I'm blessed to have had this past year off to reflect on everything, figure things out, and relax. God always provides. He knows what he's doing. And now it's nearing the end of 2012 and I know that 2013 has big things for me. I know that changes are going to take place, I know that it's going to start a new chapter in my life. These are things God has been preparing me for and I'm so thankful for that. I can't remember the last time I've had this much peace with life. When it comes to idols, one of the ones I think I am is control. So for me to be at peace without a clue as to what comes next...it's a big deal. I'm trusting God. I know he has a path for me and I know my trust in him is going to help things along.

Big moves. Big changes.

I'm blessed. So thankful.

Life really is too beautiful for me to explain.
I wish everyone could be this optimistic about life.
Thank you God for these eyes, this heart, and this passion.
I can't wait to share it with everyone until the end of my days.


loveloveLOVE

Your love has won.

I felt like an update was needed. My posts over the past several months have talked about struggle, confusion and randomness.

I have once again come to peace with things. I'm glad that God's sent me little reminders lately. Grounding me again. Bringing me back to the basics of it all. Remembering my purpose.
It is so good.

The reminders have come in the form of conversations with friends, music, quotes, movies, books, friend's praying for me, etc.

The best thing we can do right now is take everything as it comes, and not worry ourselves with things that have happened, or things that are to come.

*

You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows what they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift. 

Those are both quotes from "The Night Circus," a book I recently read and they really hit home with me. I just wanted to share some examples of the reminders I've gotten about why I'm alive and how to live life. God works in the best of ways. He reaches you in ways that you don't expect.

I'm happy. I'm content. I feel safe knowing that everything is in His hands and I don't have to worry about it. All I need to do is take that first step and He'll take care of it from there. My fears are removed. After all, fear is not of God, rather of the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy. So thankful to be on God's side. The war is over. Love has won. #WhiteFlag

This post is poorly written and to be honest, I'm not really fully focused on writing this. For that, I apologize. I am currently helping a friend out with building her website. I may edit this later or re-write it completely. Chances are, I won't.

loveloveupdate

This much is true.

I hate being attacked. I don't like that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
It stinks that while I know this, I still believe and fall into his lies and tricks. It crushes me even more.

I need prayer. I cannot do this on my own. This is too much to carry on my own, thankful that I have God.

Tough times...

lovelovecrushed

There is something more, hello...we know there's something more.

Okay, so, God is really cool. (duh, but let me share with you how)

When I was in elementary school and I learned about Anne Frank and about MLK Jr., I remember thinking that I wish I could've been there to help. I wanted to help change the world and get their stories told, make people aware of the troubles in the world. I struggled with knowing people were persecuted for absolutely nothing of importance or nothing they could change about themselves. I wanted to march with MLK Jr., I wanted to help hide them in the underground railroad and in my attic in Germany. I wanted to give a voice to those that did not have one. I wanted to risk my life in order to save others.
Back around 2007 or 2008 I found out about the issue of slavery and human trafficking existing today. I realized that my passion to help these people can be used, it's still around today and even worse than ever. There are over 27 million slaves worldwide, that's more than ever recorded in human history. Do you realize that??! That is just uncalled for. We teach this in History class, but don't mention that it isn't just history. It hasn't ended, it has only continued and gotten worse. People are trapped in both sex and labor trafficking. That hershey chocolate you're eating? Child slaves. That porn you're watching? Sex slaves. That sexual encounter you had with a hooker? The exploitation of sex trafficking victims. The Hanes cotton t-shirt you're wearing? Child slaves. Labor slaves aren't only children, they are men and women as well. And sex slaves aren't only women, they are CHILDREN and men, too. Yes, that is true. I'm not saying this to say, "Listen here, bud, you suck," but rather, "We fuel the fire to this issue." Yes, we. It's not just you, it's me, too. I'm sure something I'm currently wearing was made by a slave. The minerals in my computer were gathered by slaves. It is a huge issue. We need to become conscience and start making better decisions. If the products weren't in demand, then the issue would start to go away.
So, back to how God has been working in my life on this issue to make me write this blog on why he is really cool (until I got rudely interrupted by myself on that necessary rant on the issue of slavery and human trafficking worldwide, including the US)....

So, in 2007/2008 I learned about the issue and gained an immediate strong interest in the problem. I want to change the world. If you know me, you know this. When everyone else was answering the question, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" with things such as engineering, astronaut, lawyer, production assistant, or fashion designer I was saying, "I'm going to change the world." Not saying that anything is wrong with those occupations, those are actually occupations I would want to be doing if I didn't know I was called to this. There is a need for people EVERYWHERE in the world, in every occupation. If we were all in the same field, how would the gospel of Christ be told to others? We need to be everywhere and boldly proclaim the mystery of the gospel of Christ across the globe. Sorry I keep being distracted, I haven't blogged in a bit so I have a lot of umph stored up in me at the moment...
In 2008 I wrote a blog about slavery and had the honor of one of the founders of Free the Slaves see it and comment on it. That is one of the greatest moments of my life, most definitely. My passion was on fire. (here is a link to that blog post, btw.)
Somewhere in the midst of life, my passion for this slowly faded, but never completely went away. It was still on my heart, but somehow logic of the world seeped it. I was becoming civilized. My barbarian way of Christ was diminishing. But God kept bringing the issue of slavery and human trafficking into my life. In 2009 I got involved in getting the word out about an organization, Faceless International. I was signed up to go to India that year, but due to my silliness, I never went through with actually going.
In 2011, I had the honor of working on a Public Relations campaign for an organization dealing with youth homelessness and child sex trafficking.
Later in 2011 while in California, I learned about The A21 campaign and my passion was completely resparked. I started remembering that I was a barbarian for Christ. Somebody not willing to let society, the "norm" or logic put out my fiery desire to change the world and share the love of Christ with the entire world. I also got to speak with a friend who had a friend that was a victim of sex trafficking. A friend of a friend. That's a decently close connection to a victim of sex trafficking if you ask me. Especially since it was here in the US, you know, the land of the free.
Near the very end of 2011 I went to a show that raised awareness for child slavery, it was great to see young people getting involved with the issue. Especially locally. I hope it had an effect on their hearts to make them want to learn more about the very serious issue.
In 2012 I had the opportunity to attend Passion 2012 in Atlanta where the theme was Freedom and raising hope and awareness of human trafficking.
To bring that timeline to a wrap, God has constantly brought this issue into my life, reminding me what I am truly called to. Reminding me that I have a purpose in this life and everything that has happened up until this point has helped shape me and prepare me for this.
Just yesterday I went to an anti-human trafficking training. I was alone and asked to sit at a table with a few people, it turned out that I sat next to 2 of the most influential people with the human trafficking issue in Florida. They were great people and I'm glad I was placed next to them and got to learn more.

I'm searching and applying for positions and trips for later this year. Prayers are most appreciated. I will be keeping everyone updated as time progresses.

Just remember that He never lets go. He is always there. Your purpose is always there. Don't go too far, always stay close. His love is the greatest thing you will ever know and you will never be happier than when living your life for Him and fulfilling your purpose through Him. It isn't a promise of safety, security, protection of physical harm or persecution, rather a promise of a life well-lived, a promise of eternity. Remember, the world hated and persecuted him before they ever hated or persecuted us.

We're safe in eternity, but while we're here on Earth, why don't we live with reckless faith? It is a battlefield after all. Stop denying it, get your armor on and fight the good fight with the best weapons of all. The word, his spirit, your faith and love. Love has already won, so there's no need to ever worry. He's good, He knows and He loves you.

Live your life. And if you die, so what? You only die once, die for a purpose.

lovelovefearless

Empty handed, but alive in your hands.

You know, it's amazing that I'm not afraid right now.
For undisclosed reasons, I should be a bit more unstable at the moment and yet here I am, content. Not only content, but happily catching up on things around the house....like cleaning. And if you know me very well, then you know that I very much so do NOT like cleaning my own messes at all. I'm not a dirty person, but I am a messy person. I'll clean up your mess before I'd clean up my own. You see, normally that's a nice trait to have...to take care of others before yourself, but in this situation, it isn't so good. It'd be nice of me to clean up my own messes just as much as another person's mess. Working on that...well, sort of. I also got back to my work-out routine. Not sure if I'd call it routine quite yet since this is only my first day back to it. Hopefully I'll stick to all of this, despite my trip to Atlanta next week for Passion. (which I am STOKED for! woohoo!)

Alright now. So what's the point of the blog post? Good question, I have no idea. I just wanted to update this. I know throughout the past 2-3 weeks I've been wanting to write GREAT post about GREAT topics. I never got around to those posts (obviously), so here I am. Writing about nonsense. Merrily doing so. Sitting down in my freshly almost all of the way cleaned bedroom, listening to music, sporting a dopey smirk and typing away.

This really could be the most pointless thing I've ever written and shared on this blog. Normally these sort of posts go onto my Xanga (Yes, I still use that. Want to read it? Perfect! supjennifer.xanga.com I warn you, those posts are complaining, ranting, raving, happiness, sadness, bragging, self-destruction and everything else of the sort.)

Well, I'm glad that I'm content. I know that I couldn't be without God. Please be praying for me to continue to find peace and a few other things I'm needing at the moment. Thanks. Prayers are appreciate to a great extent. And if you're in the praying mood, please be praying for these people and their situations as well:

• Couple moving to Michigan, the girl is uprooting her entire life to leave her home in Jacksonville for a new life with her fiancé in the Midwest. Pray not only for their move, but for their marriage soon to start.
• Good friend & her fiancé getting married in spring 2012.
• Everyone going to Passion next week. That our hearts and lives are changed forever.
• For your next door neighbors and if you don't have any, then a random stranger you saw today. If you didn't see anyone today, pray for an old or new friend.
• For your future spouse if you are single and if you are in a relationship or married, pray for your spouse.
• The people around the world that are worshipping and praising in places it is prohibited.
• For the missionaries and the people that they encounter.
• For your family and friends.
• Young married couple with only one car needing another to help make life easier, also their financial situation.
• For the people that feel lost and alone, help them to feel loved and find God (if they already are in a relationship with God, let them be reminded of how great God and his love is.)
• For the new year to be better than all the past years and to not live in the past for those that struggle with that.

I love you guys, all of you, even the difficult ones like myself.

lovelovegrace

I see your face, You're beautiful.

It's absolutely amazing how good God's timing and plan is. I just read through a Bible study that perfectly relates to my current situation. I'm struggling to enjoy my job and understanding my purpose there. I've been thinking, "I need to find somewhere I can flourish in God's name, I'm miserable here," while at the same time having the thought that I shouldn't constantly flee to comfort. God doesn't always put us in comfortable places in our lives. Look at Jesus's life for crying out loud. He was hated by so many then put to death on a cross. I feel like going through our trials are so menial when compared to that. "Where is God in all of this? I'm struggling." Well, gee, pretty sure we can look at Jesus's life and be at a complete loss as to how he obeyed through all of that. If it was any of us, a mere human, I'm sure we'd wonder where God was and try to choose a more comfortable lifestyle--occupation, place of work, people we interact with, where we live, the list goes on and on. And yet, here Jesus is setting an example for all of our lives to come. "Even though we walk in the shadows, in the valley of death...we live to know you." Such powerful words. Through everything, we must continue to live for God. We need to see the bigger picture or at least have an understanding and trust that there is a bigger picture. God is bigger than us. Going through the story of David, I'm being convicted and falling more in love with Christ and all he has done. I am so excited to live the life he has for me even though I have no idea what that entails. I believe I will be a leader in some form, I believe that I will help others, but most of all, I know my purpose is to further his kingdom. It's not about the pharisees and the legalities of everything, it's about love, faith, hope, trust and forgiveness. It's living a life to please God because his cause is greater than our own. Even though I'm not happy in my job or with the people, I need to lay my pride by my side and pick up the cross daily. I'm living to further his kingdom, not mine. It is not about me, it never has been and it never will be. Glory be to God. I'm blessed and will fight the good fight. It will be difficult and I cannot do it on my own nor do I want to try. I'm glad to know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He is the great redeemer and the great restrainer. Slow to anger. Quick to love. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all things. lovelovehumblecause

Your love is strong.

Wow, does God know or what!?

One of my cousins just shared this with me, "once, i saved a conversation we had on AIM (ha!) about God. i found it awhile back and remembered immediately why i saved it. you told me that if I take the time to fall in love with Jesus, everything else seems to not matter as much. i really took that to heart. thank you!"

Seriously, so awesome. That was something that I needed to hear. It's good to be reminded where my heart needs to be in all of this.

This particular cousin is such an inspiration in my life. She's helped to keep me on track throughout life (I finally told her that little fact of my life since I've never shared that with her). She's completely amazing (just like the rest of my family, duh).

I love my family and I love God.

Blessed beyond belief.

Post Script;;
You never know who's watching. Always smile, always turn the other cheek and always love. Happiness is inevitable and God is good, believe those two things in life if nothing else.

lovelove(love)

Lord, I'm amazed by You.

"Be still and know that I am God."
This verse is heavy on my heart this week.

It's a struggle I have. I need to learn how to be still and listen. I keep searching for answers, but I don't listen for the response to my questions. I need to learn how to shut it sometimes. Now is one of those times.

Life is so good.

I am so blessed.

--

Real stuff:
I'm confused, completely.
I feel like I have built a strong concrete wall around me.
I feel as if I'm unsatisfied. All of these great things have been done for me, and yet here I am. Standing ungrateful, unsatisfied. I am striving and desiring to be satisfied again. I know my God is great, so what's stopping me? (This concrete wall that I can't seem to knock down.)
I give advice to people when really I'm saying it to myself, but since I don't want to say it to myself, I say it to others. I need to start writing all of this advice down so I can follow it.
I need to re-read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 until it's implanted in my head once again.
I want to learn the story of Ezra.
I want to do an in-depth study of 1 (& 2) Peter. I know I want to do a study of 1 Peter, but I guess 2 Peter, too?
I want to feel again. (This concrete wall isn't just in my spiritual walk and life, it's everywhere. I'm numb to so much right now and I am not completely sure why.)
I want to be brave and confident.

Now, since I want all of that stuff, I have to go get it.

Life is golden. Happiness is inevitable.
Be happy. Stay happy.

Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand that reason.
Remember: It's God's timing.

"All I need is You."


My Savior, he can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save.

Note to self: I can do it. Don't hesitate, just do. Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances.

loveloveencouragement

Where you stay, I stay.

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you


I've been good with the whole, "Where you go, I'll go," thing for the most part...well, maybe..
But I struggle with "Where you stay, I'll stay," "Who you love, I'll love," and "How you serve, I'll serve."

I thought I was better at these things, but lately I've been realizing that I'm not so good.
Loving people is one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my entire life and I know that I don't love everyone. It is definitely something I need to continually work on.

It's reassuring to know, however, that as humans, we struggle with loving people. It is impossible for us to love as we are supposed to if we don't have God. It's so easy, as humans, to be annoyed with people and to get angry and to near the point of hatred with others. People do that to us. The best part of our lives can be the fellowship we experience, but at the same time, the most difficult times of our lives can be with the people that we're supposed to have fellowship with.

I struggle with loving people and I struggle with staying. I like to move, I like to travel and not stay put. I want to be everywhere. I like to run away from my problems. I think that I'll find happiness in other places, but in reality, I can only have happiness in God.

God is happiness and happiness is inevitable.


lovelovestruggles

Let faith arise.

Being human is so difficult.
It really, truly is.

I'm so thankful that Jesus pleas on my behalf.
John 8 is so awesome. Knowing that no matter how terrible we are, Jesus is there to intercede. He's not casting blame or putting you to death, instead he is there to offer forgiveness. He is there to love the unlovable. He is not afraid or worried about "guilt by association," he only cares about showing us love and forgiveness, giving us the hope and strength to not want to sin anymore. Jesus gives us hope and a clean slate.

Unforgivable love is so great and I am forever thankful.

There was a great sermon tonight at Newport Church by Judah Smith that focused on this. It was awesome.

God is good.


lovelovehuman

Our God is able.

Beyond thankful that God plans and executes my life. He has far greater plans for me than I could have ever imagined. 
I'm here in Newport Beach, CA. I had no plans to move here until God planted it in my heart. I didn't want to be living here even after I arrived. I have now been here one month and already know that I am, without a single doubt, exactly where I'm supposed to be. Praise be to God for planning my life and providing me the courage to trust in Him. 
The first church I visited ended up being the right place for me. It's awesome because it is a bike ride away, shortly over a mile away from my house. I knew right away that this is from God and that this is good. 
After struggling this month with doubts about God's plan and job situations, I have a job providing me my daily bread which is what I prayed for. A position that would supply me my daily bread--nothing more, nothing less. I don't want to live in excess and that is exactly what God gave me. I believe I didn't get a job for a long while because I had to realize that...I need only my daily bread to survive, nothing more. So that is what I prayed and that is what I received. God is good. 
I am now getting more involved with my church and feeling at home. Excited that there are things nearly every day of the week to stay involved and in fellowship. I believe I am here to become better equipped to further God's kingdom. I'm registering for a year-long ministry internship program with church as well as in a year-long Bible course, and God-willing, go on to complete a second year with Faith Works Bible College through Hillsong Church. 
I am here for a purpose and it is to glorify God. 
God gave us all a commandment, to Go. Go unto the people and further His kingdom. I know that my purpose in life is to love, show true love and to be there for people that feel they are impossible to love. I know that through this, people will get to know and long after God's unconditional love--the very best love one could ask for. 
I am excited for life. I know it will not be easy, for "all who desire to live a Godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted" (2 Timothy 3:12). But I know that this life is the only life that I can experience real happiness and real purpose. I am so thankful that God has chosen to love me and to send Jesus to die for me just as he has done for you and everyone else. 

Oh, and apart from this topic, I was thinking about this the other day: sometimes I have to remind myself that the stories in the Bible are real. I sometimes get so caught up reading it and everyday life that I start feeling as if they are simply fictional stories. It's crazy remembering and knowing that the God we read about is the same God that loves us today. He is still that powerful and we can experience that so long as we believe and trust in Him. 

God is good. Really. 


loveloveopportunity

I grab your hand again.

This is so crazy.

That's all I can say about the situation.

It's so weird!

Awesome.

God is so real.

lovelovepower

Amazing grace

God is good all the time.

And all the time, God is good.

--

Recently, I've been reminded how great life can be.

I'm not sure if I forgot, but sometimes, I do look past the goodness of life and allow the negative to overpower the positive...which is easy to do...and very likely since it is said that it takes 10 positive things to cancel out 1 negative thing.

--

I'd like to ask anyone and everyone that sees this to please be praying for my friend. She's going through a difficult time in her relationship right now and any prayers would be appreciated. She's young and really needs the strength and guidance to get through this. Please pray for her to be guided and to accept the guidance in her life to lead to better things to come. She's a great person and I know she can get through it and use it as a learning experience.

Also, please be praying for my roommate's friend. She is also facing an extremely difficult time at the moment and the decisions she is having to face are huge. Please pray that she, too, is guided and goes with the right choice. It's hard knowing that the right choice and the most difficult ones are sometimes the same thing. She needs to be strong in this whole process. While praying for her, please also mention my roommate in your prayer because she is close friends with this girl and she hurts for her.

--

Life is good. I pray to never forget that.

--

And God works miracles. He heals, which is a process, sometimes long and drawn out, but he can also heal instantly.

--

There is too much good in this world to look past.

Happiness is inevitable.

lovelovelove

Be who you'll be.

I have to remember this.

I have to remember to be the shining light in people's lives.

After all, all of my good days outweigh my bad days.

Complaining does nothing, so I need not complain.

I say that only as a memo to myself.

To everyone else, please, if you have something you want to get off your chest, then do it.

And I'm here to listen if you feel you need somebody to talk to about it.

God is there all of the time, but sometimes, being as human as we are, we feel a deep desire for the physicality that a person brings to listen to our hurt as well as our joy.

I promise to pray for you.

Thank-you for being in my life. You've done so much for me just by being a friend, or even an acquaintance, so praying for you and being there for you is the very least I could do.

Lord, thank-you for making my life all that it is.

I'm blessed. You show yourself to be greater with each passing day.

Thank-you for putting so much responsibility on me and for the life that I've been given.

lovelovelove

Children get older

I have a fond and sincere admiration of Stephen Christian,
I understand that to many people, he is just a person.
Afterall, that IS what he is...a human.
However, I admire the things he writes, as I would anyone who I feel is worthy of my time to read the thoughts of.
This is his most recent post and the last paragraph really sold me.
The one before he signs off, not the post script portion.
Well, here is the blog, I hope you read it.


http://modesty.blogspot.com/2010/03/one-safe-couch.html



lovelovesafe

I've got something to say.

"You ought to live your life with such freedom and joy that uptight Christians will doubt your salvation."

"In our broadcast, in my teaching, and in my books, I tell God's people that, because of Christ, God isn't angry at them and never will be angry at them. Some say, however, that I am encouraging sin by my teaching.... Well, I don't encourage sin in what I teach—I don't have to! Christians do fine in the sin area without any encouragement"

"If you're not free to spit and cuss in God's presence, you're not free to spit and cuss anywhere (since God is everywhere). Heck, you probably shouldn't even breathe anywhere, the always-sinning creature that you are"

-Steve Brown

lovelovefreedom

It's your grace and how it keeps me grounded.

I've been lazy.

In all aspects of my life.

I feel like that's been my complaint this past year.

In fact, probably more so along the lines of two years now.

God, I need you.

Not only do I need you,

but I want you.

I want you more than anything else in the world.

I want your love, I want your touch, your comfort, your security, your conversation.

I want you.

You're the only one that I want to spend my life with.

Yeah, sure, you might have somebody for me later down the line to share that desire and passion for you along with me, but until then, I want to strive to show your love in ways that need no words. Your love is overwhelming, it's the best feeling in the world to know that I have you.

You create the best sights, whether it's:

people in love with you,

the beauty of the world around us,

people living their lives for you wholeheartedly,

people showing your love to others,

your love shining through us,

your hand in times of need,

your happiness in times of joy,

You make everything better.

Everything is beautiful even when the tears are falling.

You make life worth living.

Nothing else is worth what you are.

Thank-you for saving me, for saving the world.

And thank-you for my family and the love that I have in my life.

You have blessed me beyond words and for that, I give my life back to you.

Afterall, it never really was my life to live, right?

I gladly hand you the reigns of my life again.

Sorry for taking them away to begin with,

but I had to learn somehow.

I love you.

lovelovesurrender

I love you more than life.

So, as I was coming to an end of my jog this morning, I started thinking about how much I think.
I decided something that I already knew...
I think a lot.
But the thing is, I feel like I think about things worthwhile.
Well, at least part of the time I do.
Other times it's nonsense.

However, God must've blessed me with such a mind that thinks so much, so deeply, and so uniquely.
I have a curious mind and an adventurous heart.
That combination is going to amount to something in the end, I know it.
I can feel it.

I bet you that all of these great people that have once lived or are living today had similar thoughts at one point.
My thought after all of this 'thinking' thinking and how it's going to amount to something,
was me remembering that God has me for bigger and better things than just your typical 9-5 job.
God is going to use me, I want him to.
I want to leave a legacy, I want people to see God when they see me.
I know that I fail at that a lot of the times,
but I need to try to stay on track with that.
I want people to never see me, but to only see God.

I want God to be able to make light in places never once illuminated through me.
I want to go to the darkest places and have God's light shine brighter than it has ever shone.
The world can be changed, we can change it.
We cannot, not even for a minute, think that we are not capable of such things.
We have to stand firm and confident that we can be a revolution.
Be the change you wish to see in the world.
I don't know about you,
but I'd like to see more love, more God.
And for that to happen, I can't just sit around waiting and wishing for that to happen,
I have to be a part of that change.
I will be part of that change.
I will change the world.
I will be all that God wants me to be.

He put me together the way He did for a reason,
He died for me and yet I stand here selfishly claiming my own life.
Yeah, right.
I'm nothing without Him.
All to Him I owe and I'm not ashamed to say it.
I have to use all that I am for Him,
I cannot let any bit of me go to waste,
especially when I feel so unique at times.
I can do this and I will.

lovelovefaith