we're slowing it down.

I click on my link to see my blog and my latest blog talks about happiness being inevitable. Oh, how i wish that I could still have that mindset. I wish that I was still constantly happy. I'm not sure what happened to me to have myself go so far off the track of happiness, but I'm long gone and I cannot wait for my return. I am still very happy about my best friend and only friend, jessica rouse, God has blessed me with her and I am happy that she is an honest and loyal friend and I really do love her with all of my heart. I also love my family, but we do go through many difficult times. Too many difficult times in my eyes, it hurts my heart completely, i think it breaks a little every time we argue. It is just honestly so hard for me to handle. Then me and seamus are good and he is a friend, too, so i guess jessica isn't my only friend, but she is my best friend along with seamus. But since me and Seamus are dating, there are destined to be arguments. Sometimes they're my fault, sometimes they're his. But i don't know, I just feel like he always tries to place the blame on me and I feel that sometimes he lies to me, I know he has in the past or hid stuff from me, and I really do want to get over all of that, but it is difficult when all throughout my life it seems that I have been let down and pushed to the side and walked all over by everyone. And then one person that used to be somewhat of a friend decided that I am a total and complete liar because I told her I wasn't on her computer. Honestly, isn't that just a ridiculous thing to lie about? Why on earth would I lie about getting on her computer, especially since I was with her all day and had my own computer with me. Some things and people I just don't understand. We both said hurtful things and I don't understand how she can tell me that I am psycho, a horrible person, and that she is so much of a better christian than i am. I thought that we shouldn't judge people as christians, i know that we all mess up, but i think that it's an oxymoron to be a christian and then condemn others. I'm not saying that you can't be a christian and condemn others, no way am i saying that, you can be a christian and kill somebody honestly. People mess up, people fall off of the track, people say things they don't mean, it doesn't mean that they cannot be a christian. I am not sure everything that is going on in my life. I just know that I need to run straight to God and stop being distracted by everything that Satan and the world throws at me. I also need to stop getting worn out and keep on truckin. slow and steady wins the race, so maybe i should just slow down a bit in life, go slowly and not just say that i realize it takes time, but actually live the idea that it takes time. I really wish that things would go better for me like they were not too long ago. Life is difficult, but as I know and have said, happiness is inevitable, so i'm just waiting for my happiness to come back and overwhelm my life again. :)