Wiser than our understanding.

My heart and my passion too often gets pushed aside. I love my family, however, they're mindset is different than mine.
I was reading through one of those "personality test" things again, and noticed that what I am, is 15-20% of the world population. To me, that still sounds like a lot, but in reality, I know it's not. I am an "idealist" according to multiple personality tests that I found online (and we all know the internet is always right). It's difficult for me to understand the way people think at times, but instead of shutting them out because of it, I strive to understand. I ask questions. My 8th grade science teacher referred to me as Miles in Uncle Buck because of the multitude of questions I asked. He always compared me to a cat, a curious cat. I have no problem with either of these things. Too often people are too concerned about what others think to ask questions. They're concerned about what others may think of them. Why? I have no idea. I know that people idolize approval, something I never understood, but got to learn more about late last year through a Bible study with amazing girls. I am confused as to what I am. I have difficulty with making things black and white. I'm not sure that many things in this world are that simple. There are always different circumstances to make things gray.
I don't like judging people. I don't like when people judge people. However, I do struggle with judging people. The thing is, I'm typically judging the people that are judging other people. Did you follow that? I hope so. I'll be honest, not arrogant, and say that I typically try not to judge others. Unfortunately, I fail. I get all smug when I see people judging or looking down on others. All, "Who are you to think you can judge them?" I'm not sure if that's me judging, but to me it is. So I think I judge others, but I'm not really sure on that one. Again, gray.

One thing I know to be black and white is God, his word and his love. (This was a random sidenote, moving on to other nonsense now...)

I know that I'm called to a purpose that is bigger than the average 9-5 job and lifestyle. My heart aches for more than that. I want to help people. I want to show others how great life can be, especially with God. I want people to realize that things always get better. Happiness is inevitable.

I know that God has blessed me with my life. I have had hard times, I have had glorious and amazing times. I am so blessed to have been able to do all that I have being only 23. I'm blessed to have had this past year off to reflect on everything, figure things out, and relax. God always provides. He knows what he's doing. And now it's nearing the end of 2012 and I know that 2013 has big things for me. I know that changes are going to take place, I know that it's going to start a new chapter in my life. These are things God has been preparing me for and I'm so thankful for that. I can't remember the last time I've had this much peace with life. When it comes to idols, one of the ones I think I am is control. So for me to be at peace without a clue as to what comes next...it's a big deal. I'm trusting God. I know he has a path for me and I know my trust in him is going to help things along.

Big moves. Big changes.

I'm blessed. So thankful.

Life really is too beautiful for me to explain.
I wish everyone could be this optimistic about life.
Thank you God for these eyes, this heart, and this passion.
I can't wait to share it with everyone until the end of my days.


loveloveLOVE

Your love has won.

I felt like an update was needed. My posts over the past several months have talked about struggle, confusion and randomness.

I have once again come to peace with things. I'm glad that God's sent me little reminders lately. Grounding me again. Bringing me back to the basics of it all. Remembering my purpose.
It is so good.

The reminders have come in the form of conversations with friends, music, quotes, movies, books, friend's praying for me, etc.

The best thing we can do right now is take everything as it comes, and not worry ourselves with things that have happened, or things that are to come.

*

You may tell a tale that takes up residence in someone's soul, becomes their blood and self and purpose. That tale will move them and drive them and who knows what they might do because of it, because of your words. That is your role, your gift. 

Those are both quotes from "The Night Circus," a book I recently read and they really hit home with me. I just wanted to share some examples of the reminders I've gotten about why I'm alive and how to live life. God works in the best of ways. He reaches you in ways that you don't expect.

I'm happy. I'm content. I feel safe knowing that everything is in His hands and I don't have to worry about it. All I need to do is take that first step and He'll take care of it from there. My fears are removed. After all, fear is not of God, rather of the enemy who comes to steal, kill and destroy. So thankful to be on God's side. The war is over. Love has won. #WhiteFlag

This post is poorly written and to be honest, I'm not really fully focused on writing this. For that, I apologize. I am currently helping a friend out with building her website. I may edit this later or re-write it completely. Chances are, I won't.

loveloveupdate

This much is true.

I hate being attacked. I don't like that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
It stinks that while I know this, I still believe and fall into his lies and tricks. It crushes me even more.

I need prayer. I cannot do this on my own. This is too much to carry on my own, thankful that I have God.

Tough times...

lovelovecrushed

There is something more, hello...we know there's something more.

Okay, so, God is really cool. (duh, but let me share with you how)

When I was in elementary school and I learned about Anne Frank and about MLK Jr., I remember thinking that I wish I could've been there to help. I wanted to help change the world and get their stories told, make people aware of the troubles in the world. I struggled with knowing people were persecuted for absolutely nothing of importance or nothing they could change about themselves. I wanted to march with MLK Jr., I wanted to help hide them in the underground railroad and in my attic in Germany. I wanted to give a voice to those that did not have one. I wanted to risk my life in order to save others.
Back around 2007 or 2008 I found out about the issue of slavery and human trafficking existing today. I realized that my passion to help these people can be used, it's still around today and even worse than ever. There are over 27 million slaves worldwide, that's more than ever recorded in human history. Do you realize that??! That is just uncalled for. We teach this in History class, but don't mention that it isn't just history. It hasn't ended, it has only continued and gotten worse. People are trapped in both sex and labor trafficking. That hershey chocolate you're eating? Child slaves. That porn you're watching? Sex slaves. That sexual encounter you had with a hooker? The exploitation of sex trafficking victims. The Hanes cotton t-shirt you're wearing? Child slaves. Labor slaves aren't only children, they are men and women as well. And sex slaves aren't only women, they are CHILDREN and men, too. Yes, that is true. I'm not saying this to say, "Listen here, bud, you suck," but rather, "We fuel the fire to this issue." Yes, we. It's not just you, it's me, too. I'm sure something I'm currently wearing was made by a slave. The minerals in my computer were gathered by slaves. It is a huge issue. We need to become conscience and start making better decisions. If the products weren't in demand, then the issue would start to go away.
So, back to how God has been working in my life on this issue to make me write this blog on why he is really cool (until I got rudely interrupted by myself on that necessary rant on the issue of slavery and human trafficking worldwide, including the US)....

So, in 2007/2008 I learned about the issue and gained an immediate strong interest in the problem. I want to change the world. If you know me, you know this. When everyone else was answering the question, "What do you want to do when you grow up?" with things such as engineering, astronaut, lawyer, production assistant, or fashion designer I was saying, "I'm going to change the world." Not saying that anything is wrong with those occupations, those are actually occupations I would want to be doing if I didn't know I was called to this. There is a need for people EVERYWHERE in the world, in every occupation. If we were all in the same field, how would the gospel of Christ be told to others? We need to be everywhere and boldly proclaim the mystery of the gospel of Christ across the globe. Sorry I keep being distracted, I haven't blogged in a bit so I have a lot of umph stored up in me at the moment...
In 2008 I wrote a blog about slavery and had the honor of one of the founders of Free the Slaves see it and comment on it. That is one of the greatest moments of my life, most definitely. My passion was on fire. (here is a link to that blog post, btw.)
Somewhere in the midst of life, my passion for this slowly faded, but never completely went away. It was still on my heart, but somehow logic of the world seeped it. I was becoming civilized. My barbarian way of Christ was diminishing. But God kept bringing the issue of slavery and human trafficking into my life. In 2009 I got involved in getting the word out about an organization, Faceless International. I was signed up to go to India that year, but due to my silliness, I never went through with actually going.
In 2011, I had the honor of working on a Public Relations campaign for an organization dealing with youth homelessness and child sex trafficking.
Later in 2011 while in California, I learned about The A21 campaign and my passion was completely resparked. I started remembering that I was a barbarian for Christ. Somebody not willing to let society, the "norm" or logic put out my fiery desire to change the world and share the love of Christ with the entire world. I also got to speak with a friend who had a friend that was a victim of sex trafficking. A friend of a friend. That's a decently close connection to a victim of sex trafficking if you ask me. Especially since it was here in the US, you know, the land of the free.
Near the very end of 2011 I went to a show that raised awareness for child slavery, it was great to see young people getting involved with the issue. Especially locally. I hope it had an effect on their hearts to make them want to learn more about the very serious issue.
In 2012 I had the opportunity to attend Passion 2012 in Atlanta where the theme was Freedom and raising hope and awareness of human trafficking.
To bring that timeline to a wrap, God has constantly brought this issue into my life, reminding me what I am truly called to. Reminding me that I have a purpose in this life and everything that has happened up until this point has helped shape me and prepare me for this.
Just yesterday I went to an anti-human trafficking training. I was alone and asked to sit at a table with a few people, it turned out that I sat next to 2 of the most influential people with the human trafficking issue in Florida. They were great people and I'm glad I was placed next to them and got to learn more.

I'm searching and applying for positions and trips for later this year. Prayers are most appreciated. I will be keeping everyone updated as time progresses.

Just remember that He never lets go. He is always there. Your purpose is always there. Don't go too far, always stay close. His love is the greatest thing you will ever know and you will never be happier than when living your life for Him and fulfilling your purpose through Him. It isn't a promise of safety, security, protection of physical harm or persecution, rather a promise of a life well-lived, a promise of eternity. Remember, the world hated and persecuted him before they ever hated or persecuted us.

We're safe in eternity, but while we're here on Earth, why don't we live with reckless faith? It is a battlefield after all. Stop denying it, get your armor on and fight the good fight with the best weapons of all. The word, his spirit, your faith and love. Love has already won, so there's no need to ever worry. He's good, He knows and He loves you.

Live your life. And if you die, so what? You only die once, die for a purpose.

lovelovefearless