Thursday, December 29, 2011

Empty handed, but alive in your hands.

You know, it's amazing that I'm not afraid right now.
For undisclosed reasons, I should be a bit more unstable at the moment and yet here I am, content. Not only content, but happily catching up on things around the cleaning. And if you know me very well, then you know that I very much so do NOT like cleaning my own messes at all. I'm not a dirty person, but I am a messy person. I'll clean up your mess before I'd clean up my own. You see, normally that's a nice trait to take care of others before yourself, but in this situation, it isn't so good. It'd be nice of me to clean up my own messes just as much as another person's mess. Working on that...well, sort of. I also got back to my work-out routine. Not sure if I'd call it routine quite yet since this is only my first day back to it. Hopefully I'll stick to all of this, despite my trip to Atlanta next week for Passion. (which I am STOKED for! woohoo!)

Alright now. So what's the point of the blog post? Good question, I have no idea. I just wanted to update this. I know throughout the past 2-3 weeks I've been wanting to write GREAT post about GREAT topics. I never got around to those posts (obviously), so here I am. Writing about nonsense. Merrily doing so. Sitting down in my freshly almost all of the way cleaned bedroom, listening to music, sporting a dopey smirk and typing away.

This really could be the most pointless thing I've ever written and shared on this blog. Normally these sort of posts go onto my Xanga (Yes, I still use that. Want to read it? Perfect! I warn you, those posts are complaining, ranting, raving, happiness, sadness, bragging, self-destruction and everything else of the sort.)

Well, I'm glad that I'm content. I know that I couldn't be without God. Please be praying for me to continue to find peace and a few other things I'm needing at the moment. Thanks. Prayers are appreciate to a great extent. And if you're in the praying mood, please be praying for these people and their situations as well:

  • Couple moving to Michigan, the girl is uprooting her entire life to leave her home in Jacksonville for a new life with her fiancé in the Midwest. Pray not only for their move, but for their marriage soon to start.
  • Good friend & her fiancé getting married in spring 2012.
  • Everyone going to Passion next week. That our hearts and lives are changed forever.
  • For your next door neighbors and if you don't have any, then a random stranger you saw today. If you didn't see anyone today, pray for an old or new friend.
  • For your future spouse if you are single and if you are in a relationship or married, pray for your spouse.
  • The people around the world that are worshipping and praising in places it is prohibited.
  • For the missionaries and the people that they encounter.
  • For your family and friends.
  • Young married couple with only one car needing another to help make life easier, also their financial situation.
  • For the people that feel lost and alone, help them to feel loved and find God (if they already are in a relationship with God, let them be reminded of how great God and his love is.)
  • For the new year to be better than all the past years and to not live in the past for those that struggle with that.

I love you guys, all of you, even the difficult ones like myself.


Sunday, December 18, 2011

I see your face, You're beautiful.

It's absolutely amazing how good God's timing and plan is. I just read through a Bible study that perfectly relates to my current situation. I'm struggling to enjoy my job and understanding my purpose there. I've been thinking, "I need to find somewhere I can flourish in God's name, I'm miserable here," while at the same time having the thought that I shouldn't constantly flee to comfort. God doesn't always put us in comfortable places in our lives. Look at Jesus's life for crying out loud. He was hated by so many then put to death on a cross. I feel like going through our trials are so menial when compared to that. "Where is God in all of this? I'm struggling." Well, gee, pretty sure we can look at Jesus's life and be at a complete loss as to how he obeyed through all of that. If it was any of us, a mere human, I'm sure we'd wonder where God was and try to choose a more comfortable lifestyle--occupation, place of work, people we interact with, where we live, the list goes on and on. And yet, here Jesus is setting an example for all of our lives to come. "Even though we walk in the shadows, in the valley of death...we live to know you." Such powerful words. Through everything, we must continue to live for God. We need to see the bigger picture or at least have an understanding and trust that there is a bigger picture. God is bigger than us. Going through the story of David, I'm being convicted and falling more in love with Christ and all he has done. I am so excited to live the life he has for me even though I have no idea what that entails. I believe I will be a leader in some form, I believe that I will help others, but most of all, I know my purpose is to further his kingdom. It's not about the pharisees and the legalities of everything, it's about love, faith, hope, trust and forgiveness. It's living a life to please God because his cause is greater than our own. Even though I'm not happy in my job or with the people, I need to lay my pride by my side and pick up the cross daily. I'm living to further his kingdom, not mine. It is not about me, it never has been and it never will be. Glory be to God. I'm blessed and will fight the good fight. It will be difficult and I cannot do it on my own nor do I want to try. I'm glad to know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. He is the great redeemer and the great restrainer. Slow to anger. Quick to love. Pray without ceasing. Give thanks in all things. lovelovehumblecause

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Your love is strong.

Wow, does God know or what!?

One of my cousins just shared this with me, "once, i saved a conversation we had on AIM (ha!) about God. i found it awhile back and remembered immediately why i saved it. you told me that if I take the time to fall in love with Jesus, everything else seems to not matter as much. i really took that to heart. thank you!"

Seriously, so awesome. That was something that I needed to hear. It's good to be reminded where my heart needs to be in all of this.

This particular cousin is such an inspiration in my life. She's helped to keep me on track throughout life (I finally told her that little fact of my life since I've never shared that with her). She's completely amazing (just like the rest of my family, duh).

I love my family and I love God.

Blessed beyond belief.

Post Script;;
You never know who's watching. Always smile, always turn the other cheek and always love. Happiness is inevitable and God is good, believe those two things in life if nothing else.


Lord, I'm amazed by You.

"Be still and know that I am God."
This verse is heavy on my heart this week.

It's a struggle I have. I need to learn how to be still and listen. I keep searching for answers, but I don't listen for the response to my questions. I need to learn how to shut it sometimes. Now is one of those times.

Life is so good.

I am so blessed.


Real stuff:
I'm confused, completely.
I feel like I have built a strong concrete wall around me.
I feel as if I'm unsatisfied. All of these great things have been done for me, and yet here I am. Standing ungrateful, unsatisfied. I am striving and desiring to be satisfied again. I know my God is great, so what's stopping me? (This concrete wall that I can't seem to knock down.)
I give advice to people when really I'm saying it to myself, but since I don't want to say it to myself, I say it to others. I need to start writing all of this advice down so I can follow it.
I need to re-read 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 until it's implanted in my head once again.
I want to learn the story of Ezra.
I want to do an in-depth study of 1 (& 2) Peter. I know I want to do a study of 1 Peter, but I guess 2 Peter, too?
I want to feel again. (This concrete wall isn't just in my spiritual walk and life, it's everywhere. I'm numb to so much right now and I am not completely sure why.)
I want to be brave and confident.

Now, since I want all of that stuff, I have to go get it.

Life is golden. Happiness is inevitable.
Be happy. Stay happy.

Everything happens for a reason, even if we don't understand that reason.
Remember: It's God's timing.

"All I need is You."

My Savior, he can move the mountains. My God is mighty to save.

Note to self: I can do it. Don't hesitate, just do. Rejoice always. Pray continually. Give thanks in all circumstances.


Monday, October 3, 2011

Where you stay, I stay.

Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you

I've been good with the whole, "Where you go, I'll go," thing for the most part...well, maybe..
But I struggle with "Where you stay, I'll stay," "Who you love, I'll love," and "How you serve, I'll serve."

I thought I was better at these things, but lately I've been realizing that I'm not so good.
Loving people is one of the most difficult things I have ever done in my entire life and I know that I don't love everyone. It is definitely something I need to continually work on.

It's reassuring to know, however, that as humans, we struggle with loving people. It is impossible for us to love as we are supposed to if we don't have God. It's so easy, as humans, to be annoyed with people and to get angry and to near the point of hatred with others. People do that to us. The best part of our lives can be the fellowship we experience, but at the same time, the most difficult times of our lives can be with the people that we're supposed to have fellowship with.

I struggle with loving people and I struggle with staying. I like to move, I like to travel and not stay put. I want to be everywhere. I like to run away from my problems. I think that I'll find happiness in other places, but in reality, I can only have happiness in God.

God is happiness and happiness is inevitable.


Monday, September 19, 2011

Let faith arise.

Being human is so difficult.
It really, truly is.

I'm so thankful that Jesus pleas on my behalf.
John 8 is so awesome. Knowing that no matter how terrible we are, Jesus is there to intercede. He's not casting blame or putting you to death, instead he is there to offer forgiveness. He is there to love the unlovable. He is not afraid or worried about "guilt by association," he only cares about showing us love and forgiveness, giving us the hope and strength to not want to sin anymore. Jesus gives us hope and a clean slate.

Unforgivable love is so great and I am forever thankful.

There was a great sermon tonight at Newport Church by Judah Smith that focused on this. It was awesome.

God is good.


Friday, September 2, 2011

Our God is able.

Beyond thankful that God plans and executes my life. He has far greater plans for me than I could have ever imagined. 
I'm here in Newport Beach, CA. I had no plans to move here until God planted it in my heart. I didn't want to be living here even after I arrived. I have now been here one month and already know that I am, without a single doubt, exactly where I'm supposed to be. Praise be to God for planning my life and providing me the courage to trust in Him. 
The first church I visited ended up being the right place for me. It's awesome because it is a bike ride away, shortly over a mile away from my house. I knew right away that this is from God and that this is good. 
After struggling this month with doubts about God's plan and job situations, I have a job providing me my daily bread which is what I prayed for. A position that would supply me my daily bread--nothing more, nothing less. I don't want to live in excess and that is exactly what God gave me. I believe I didn't get a job for a long while because I had to realize that...I need only my daily bread to survive, nothing more. So that is what I prayed and that is what I received. God is good. 
I am now getting more involved with my church and feeling at home. Excited that there are things nearly every day of the week to stay involved and in fellowship. I believe I am here to become better equipped to further God's kingdom. I'm registering for a year-long ministry internship program with church as well as in a year-long Bible course, and God-willing, go on to complete a second year with Faith Works Bible College through Hillsong Church. 
I am here for a purpose and it is to glorify God. 
God gave us all a commandment, to Go. Go unto the people and further His kingdom. I know that my purpose in life is to love, show true love and to be there for people that feel they are impossible to love. I know that through this, people will get to know and long after God's unconditional love--the very best love one could ask for. 
I am excited for life. I know it will not be easy, for "all who desire to live a Godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted" (2 Timothy 3:12). But I know that this life is the only life that I can experience real happiness and real purpose. I am so thankful that God has chosen to love me and to send Jesus to die for me just as he has done for you and everyone else. 

Oh, and apart from this topic, I was thinking about this the other day: sometimes I have to remind myself that the stories in the Bible are real. I sometimes get so caught up reading it and everyday life that I start feeling as if they are simply fictional stories. It's crazy remembering and knowing that the God we read about is the same God that loves us today. He is still that powerful and we can experience that so long as we believe and trust in Him. 

God is good. Really.