Thursday, October 23, 2008

We stood like statues at the gate.

You can't deny feeling feelings because then you'll feel even worse.
-Life with Derek

I have realized that I have been doing just that for quite some time now. I ignore my feelings or push them off as if they do not exist so that I can stay cheerful. Yes, it is good to be happy, but eventually, everything bottles up and then I explode. Whether the explosion is towards others (which is rare) or if it is just within myself, this probably...or rather, obviously, isn't the best method for me. I am not sure that I know many other ways, so I am going to start not bottling everything up or ignoring things, I will live and learn. I am going to educate myself for a change because for so long, I have allowed others to teach me. I have taken the word of other's and not experienced so much of the world on my own. This goes for my thoughts and for my actions. I refuse to grow up to be who you are, I'm sorry. I am not only going to change the world, I am going to change the pattern of this family. I am exhausted from living in all of this, I can do it, though, I know I can.


P.S. Words have an effect, but actions speak louder than words.

...I swear I didn't mean for it to feel like this.






lovelovelove

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